Saturday, January 9, 2010
The further I get into 2010, the more change seems to be prevailing over every part of life. It is the heart of winter - dark from 4:30 p.m. to 9:30 a.m. That's a lot of time for thinking about priorities, the importance of things like the environment, quality of life, the things children value, like time vs. the things that don't mean anything, like stuff.
Today, Thea and Liam and I went for a walk on the snowmachine trail along Crossman Ridge. Weeks of warm weather have left the trail hard as cement, and the stroller rolled along with ease. Around us, the sky was lit with honey-colored clouds against a light blue sky. Flocks of birds swept through the trees. Space was all around. Liam flew imaginary Star Wars planes along the trail, and Thea fell asleep. Once again, out saved us. Inside, everything was sad and yucky. Outside, it was space, and the free exchange of feelings and emotions - letting them go with every breath.
Liam explained how he was starting not to like the two house deal - how he wished Matt and I would live together. We talked a lot about families and feelings and how people change over time. I told him I understood how he felt, but that it didn't change the way things were.
We ran into a couple friends of Liam's on the trail riding on a snowmachine with one of the kid's dad. Liam was very impressed, and invited himself on a playdate soon, provided he could ride on the snowmachine. I found myself wishing we lived out there - where outside was a required part of everyday life, and priorities were aligned more correctly to what I see as those of value. I spent the rest of the walk daydreaming about giving my children a life like the one I had - filled with hard work, personal accomplishment and above all else, complete self-sufficiency.