Saturday, January 3, 2009

reflective




You know all those self-help books that advise you live in the moment? They are not parents. It seems like all I do as a parent is live in the moment - the nanosecond I turn around and look back, it seems impossible that all that happened before was all that big a deal. So after a year of writing this blog, I'm very thankful to have this record of the experience of Thea's first year on earth.

And what a year. Today, on a whim, I asked Thea, "Where's your bear?" and off she toddled, babbling as she went, and returned a minute later carrying Mr. Bear and smiling widely. I was floored. I don't know why I didn't think she understood me that much, but I didn't. It was like a light-bulb going off. Oh, she gets it. She gets a lot of what I'm saying. I can actually talk to her and expect her to respond. Woah.

A year ago right now, I was heading to bed, huge and uncomfortable, hoping that it would soon be over. At 5 a.m., my water broke. By 11 a.m., I was holding my new daughter. And the journey began. And now she is a walking, talking (all-be-it her own language) human.

It is soo cold right now. The kids hands get cold just walking 20 feet to the car. The windows are all ringed with ice. It was minus 4 when we drove through town at 7 a.m this morning to drop Matt off at the airport. It warmed to a balmy 5 degrees by the afternoon. We are almost out of wood, which means back to the monitor oil stove only, which doesn't come close to heating the house the way the wood stove does. It's supposed to warm up on Thursday, but only to 20 or so. Even so, that will feel like spring after two weeks of shivering and bundling up in layers.

Thea had a rough couple days. She's got something going through her system that isn't working for her. It's terrifying when that happens. Tonight, for example, I fed her cauliflower, which is on the list of not-likely-to-be-allergy-producing. She rejected it, so I put a bit of soy sauce on it. Then she ate it. Then her face got red. Of course that could have been from something previously. So is it soy? Is it wheat? Is it - shudder - rice?? Is it the turkey sausages I've been feeding her so often? It kills me. The list of things I want to test her for is loooong. We go in Friday for those tests. Turns out we actually had medical insurance for December and didn't even know it. Infuriating.

We aren't doing much for Thea's birthday - we went to the toy store today and spent some birthday money on a doll (her first) and an activity box thing. Our friend's 2-year-old is coming over for a couple hours, so that will be a nice break from the mundane. I'm just going to try to treat her like a queen for the day. So, essentially, business as usual.

It's been a wild year, but I'm so happy to be here at this moment now. And I can only hope it just gets better from here.

2 comments:

Anika said...

This should actually be a few entries ago, but thought you might miss it there, so here it is... your painting is awesome! I am so impressed that not only did you get it done, but you even managed to make it look incredible! Good on you!!

Love Anika

matthew said...

Its been a great year and one hell of a ride. I would not trade it for anything.