Tuesday, October 7, 2008

alternate universe

This is one of those weeks where that extra hand I've been lobbying for would have really come in ... handy.

Sorry. Old habits die hard.

Five years ago today, I was laying in a hospital room, drunk on the after-emotion of giving birth, and trying to come to terms with this small, pink bundle that was now entrusted to my care.

It seems like an eternity ago. It cannot have been a mere five years ago. It feels more like half my life has been mothering, not one-seventh, though I guess if you figure adult life, it is a third.

I turned 35 on Thursday, which was OK with me, no major identity crisis, but a couple of resolutions which I haven't managed to keep as yet... idealistic stuff about relaxing and taking time for myself - candle time, I like to call it.

This week, the workload of motherhood got completely out of control. Birthday cakes, party invitations, shopping, not to mention preschool being closed for all of last week and Monday as well - deadly. And then we had a party on Sunday - sorry, camera battery was not charged so I missed taking pictures of the bonanza - and then today was his real b-day, so I had to bake cupcakes for his class only his teacher wasn't ready to celebrate his birthday today, so now I have to go in and help him celebrate it tomorrow ..... aaaaahhhhgg.

On top of all that was finishing the living room cabinet and our first snow, all adding static to the mix and throwing off my routine. I think I made it out of the house before 8:30 once in the past seven days. Baaad.

But even without birthdays that go on forever, it is really challenging right now. I'm cooking a meal for Thea pretty much every morning because I haven't gotten a food schedule really going for her yet. If I would just take the time to get it figured out, it could work pretty smoothly, but I haven't had that time. I fed her halibut tonight for the first time and it seemed to go well - she gobbled it up with no runny nose. Her face got pretty blotchy after the chocolate cake - dairy free, mind you - but you've got to live a little, right. Probably won't do the chocolate thing again.

OK - so silver lining time. Liam had his friend Sam over today and for most of the day they played on their own. It is fascinating to listen to two five-year-olds interact. They were talking about all kinds of things - their hair, (why it grows and what it is made of) - what planets were, and what happens when cats die (Liam's lecture on the subject consisted of his opinion that their hearts keep working but their stomachs die, and their eyes stay closed, but they still love you.) Really, it was priceless stuff, and I only heard it because I was upstairs nursing Thea while they ate lunch below me and there was this flurry of information flowing between them - some accurate, some not so much, but it didn't really matter because their take on it all was far more interesting than the nuts and bolts details of the world. I wish I still lived in that reality. It sounded much more interesting.

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