Dancing into the new year

Last year at this time, I had no idea what 2010 would bring. I had no idea that I would have my first successful garden, or raise chickens, or fill my freezer to the brim with fish from Kachemak Bay. I didn't know so much.

I didn't know Liam would continue to grow into a strong, wonderfully caring boy with a silly sense of humor and a passion for the theatrical. I didn't know he would learn to swim, or do incredible things at school, or participate in his first theater performance (and then his second). I didn't know how proud I would be of his burgeoning independence - his ability to scramble an egg and even cook dinner, take care of the chickens and help me when I need a hand. It's not his job to be my right hand man, but he is immensely helpful at times, and I'm grateful.

Théa - a year ago, she was barely talking. Now, she babbles nonstop, generally over her brother, and it's not garbeldygook - it's genuine thoughts. Most recently, shes' starting to express her emotions verbally. Amazing stuff. Really, there is so much, because the difference between two and three is huge. But I'll leave most of that for her birthday post, which is just around the corner. Suffice it to say, the girl is a wonder, and I'm more and more impressed every day I get to know her better. Tired. But impressed.

As for me, I had no more insight about what path my life would take at the beginning of 2011 than I had in my children's. I had no idea that I would find myself this year - that I would finally beat back all the dark clouds of insecurity in my life, and that I would replace them with a joy in life that feels pretty amazing. I also didn't know that I would run a half-marathon, perform my fiddle in public for the first time, spend most of the summer redoing my house from top to bottom. Not a clue. Most of all, though, I didn't know that I would fall in love again. It's a scary, but wonderful, place to be. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I feel rich beyond belief.

We never really know what's around the corner. We can make projections that may or may not prove to be true based on the best information we have at the time, but in the end, it is so much more than that. There is a randomness and an coincidental nature to the human experience that is amazing and wonderful. It makes me wonder with awe what I don't know about this coming year. I can't wait to find out.

Duuunnn (insert Irish accent)

I'm not hearing any noises coming from the various rooms in my house where children are supposedly sleeping. For all intensive purposes, that signals the end of 14 hours of Christmasing. And no bah humbugs here, we all had a great day, but wow, it's nice to collapse.

This was the first year I had the kids - last year they went to their Grandma and Grandpa's in California with Matt. And it's interesting - somewhere a day or two ago, something snapped in me. All of a sudden, that perfectionist in me that I've been trying hard to corrupt over the past year rose up with great gusto. All of a sudden, I found myself standing in line for 10 minutes at Ulmer's to get the perfect stocking stuffer tube of lip gloss for Théa that I had forgotten in the first round. And before I knew what was happening, the house had to be spotless, and relatively organized, and the pile of laundry had to be put away, and and and... madness.

It was also admittedly an interesting experiment to try a joint Christmas with Matt. It seemed to work for the kids for the most part, especially Liam, but it did make for an interesting day. We had stockings and gifts for each other with Chris in the early morning (early, really early, what a cliché), then Matt came by with a literal truckload of presents for the kids - whoa. As usual, they made out like bandits. Liam's favorite gift was the Millennium Falcon Star Wars ship that is literally the same size as the small trampoline the kids got from our friend Mike. Théa's favorite gift was a baby and a bottle and binkie. Good grief. But they got everything kids could ever want. Liam got an original Red Rider BB Gun from Chris, and went out for his first lessons this evening, just as my peace-loving parents and I were Skyping, which I'm sure left an impression. (On a side note, just in case they read this, though Chris does own more guns than anyone I've ever met, he speaks French and he did vote for Obama.) Théa got sparkly stuff and puzzles, and a barn with animals in it. They also got a Wii. I don't know how I feel about all the screen time, but Liam for one was thrilled.

What I found about this Christmas was that while lots of the details had changed, the main themes remained the same. The holiday bread didn't rise until midnight, just like usual. There wasn't nearly enough sleep, way too much stuff, and even more candy. But what's not to love about wading through a house covered from one end to the other with wrapping paper and the voices of joyful children.

We finished up the night with a dinner of home-grown roast chicken with all the trimmings, and Chris joined us for the evening. The kids were fruitcakes by then, but kept it together enough to clean up a bit before bedtime stories. Now it's quiet. It's so cold outside - single digits of brrr. The wood stove is going gangbusters and it's still more comfy with a blanket on. And I am completely and totally at peace with it all. I hope it lasts for a little bit.

eclipse

It has been my general experience that the things you think will be a good idea for activities to do with kids... aren't. Take the annual getting of the tree, for example. Tears. Every time there are tears. Who cries when they get a tree?? That is not how it looks in the pictures, nor the movies. People are happy. Smiling. It's all good. Not my clan. Someone has cold fingers. This year, there was also a scuffle over who was going to hold the saw. Sadness.

But last night was the exception to that rule. Last night was winter solstice - the longest night of the year - and the full moon - and, to top it all off, there was a lunar eclipse. I tried not to hype it up...so many things could get in the way. But as it turned out, it was a perfectly clear night and the moon was high in the sky. We went over to Chris' house around 7 and ate some dinner. The kids played without incident for a couple hours, then outside we all tromped and lit a big bonfire (not without a lot of artificial substances and a few rule-breaking incidents, mind you) and gazed upward. I didn't know how long the kids would last, given the late hour and the single-digit temperatures. But as it turned out, they did just fine. The eclipse started, the kids noticed, even wowed at it, and chased sparks like puppies chasing butterflies. Snowball fights erupted. There was much throwing of sticks into the fire. Neighbors stopped by with binoculars. The eclipse got more intense, covering half, then almost all of the moon. The moon turned rosy red. The stars came out. It was beautiful. There were periodic shouts of "look at it NOW". At the very end, Thea pooped out and went inside, but that was maybe 11 p.m. so all in all we all managed very well. And I think, maybe, just maybe, it will be one of those memorable moments in Liam's life. I still remember a solar eclipse from when I was maybe six or seven. It's an amazing thing. But nothing like this. This was beyond that. It was a night to remember.

Holiday humm

Liam's Christmas --- err --- holiday concert was tonight. As per usual, he takes his performances very seriously, wearing a stoic expression I've seen before in some photos from the early ’80s. When the music started, he performed his heart out. Then came the part when the class had to wait a bit before relaunching into the next verse of the song. One kid started to launch in too early. Liam, like a traffic cop, raised his hand and stopped him. Then, a second or two later, another spot came up. Again, Liam stopped the erroneous singers. My friend Mo above me said that when they were rehearsing this had happened and Liam had hollered out, "STOP." Thank goodness he tamed it down this time. Sheesh. But the performance was, as always, sweet and fun. Théa and Matt sat on the sidelines because Théa couldn't sit still for the whole thing. Well, to be honest, Théa couldn't even make it through the introduction. That girl has a lot of energy. Yikes.

It's been a busy month for the kids. Winter has come on strong, and both Liam and Théa have tried their hand at skating. Liam, after not too long, was zipping around the rink. Théa needed a bit more help, but insisted she did not. They have also been doing lots of swimming, with they both love, though Liam tried and opted out of a great swim club for reasons including locker room chaos and perhaps chilly water? A bit befuddling as a parent to unravel the inner workings of that kid's head, but I'm optimistic he will get lots of water time, now that he has even more family living on Maui.

School has also been interesting these days for Liam. The other day, his teacher pulled me aside because of an incident the previous day. Apparently, he had asked to see the principal. When asked why, he had said something benign, like he hadn't had a chance to see him recently. But after the visit, his teacher pressed him for more information. "I don't want to tell you because I don't want to hurt your feelings," he said. His teacher said perhaps he should tell her anyway. And Liam did. Apparently he had gone to talk to his principal because he wasn't happy with the amount of yelling in the classroom these days. Wait. What?? Here is a child who will take care of his own problems. He never even mentioned it to me - he just went and did it. Matt and I were flabbergasted, if a bit concerned about the implications and the issue. But ultimately, I think it's safe to say we were proud as can be. Independence is huge.

We're a bit late getting in the holiday spirit, but this weekend, I plan to launch in with both feet - Christmas Tree, holiday festivities, etc. I'm looking forward to a chunk of time with my family, launching a few new traditions, reworking some others. The world is looking pretty peaceful these days, and for that I am very, very thankful.

Christmas is coming

I went to the big city this weekend sans kiddos and found myself at times wandering the aisles of a few of the big stores in town, which were already in mock-speed holiday promotion. After that and a conversation with my friends' children about their LIST - a long list of items they wanted which in this case included diamond studs for their ears - I got a little frustrated and baffled. Christmas, it seems, has been boiled down to a single experience for children: greed.

I love my children. I want them to have the things they need and things that will make them happy. But there is a point at which it really gets gross. And I think we are there. So this year, I'm trying to figure out how to do it differently. How do we re-create the concept of Christmas so no one is disappointed, but there isn't a glut of plastic (both toys and the debt from purchasing them) left on the 26th. I don't know how, really.

I was thinking that I might try to line out a week of activities with the kids - give them my time as my primary present - create memories, as well as a few home-made gifts. Snow flakes for the windows one day, holiday cookies for friends another.

I have a few ideas for home-made gifts for Thea - she loves dressing dolls, so I think I will hit the local second hand store and look for doll clothes this weekend. And maybe a larger dollhouse? And Liam is loving skiing and outdoor pursuits, so I'm going to make sure he has a good set of skis and also thinking about getting him a telescope. Can't make it, but his interests are a little more sophisticated. Still, a telescope without someone to look through it with him is practically useless. So books and charts and time. Like the keyboard, where we sit together, plunking away at simple songs.

It's hard to imagine completely separating the commercialized version from our lives - others have ideas of what it is all about, too. But there has got to be a way to tone it down a little. There just has to be a way to bring expectations down and build the celebration of giving up so that in the end, the good feeling these little people in my lives have in their hearts has more to do with lessons of substance than lessons of greed and want versus need.

We'll see how it goes.

Liam turns 7 and other events of the past MONTH

Can it be that I really haven't had time to post in over a month??? Is that possible? And yet, I believe it. Amid the chaos of harvest and winter encroaching, we have, among other things, "finished" the house project, thrown a big party, acquired a itty-bitty puppy with enough energy to power a small community, helped Liam celebrate his seventh birthday, built a root cellar, stocked said root cellar, attended a French opera, visited with friends, weathered awkward and not-at-all-awkward introductions, and endless other projects and efforts.

The hoop house got frosted by a deep freeze weeks ago, wiping out all the tomatoes and squash, etc. It was a shock to see - walking into the hoop house and finding all the plants frosted was a surprise. But it got so cold one night - mid-20s, I'd guess - it just couldn't keep out the cold. We had a big salad of my own lettuce tonight, though, and last night dined on bok choy from the hoop house, so it's still doing some producing. I need yet to harvest the rosemary and lavender. The rest needs to be cleaned out and the beds readied for next year. Hard to believe the season is over so quickly. It truly feels like I just started.

Yesterday, Liam and Christopher's daughter, Nora, harvested the cabbages all by themselves. That was the last veggie left in the outdoor garden. Turnips, beets and carrots were pulled a few weeks ago, and good thing, as the ground is pretty frozen now. If it snowed, it would stay at this point, I think. I should till the soil, and if things warm up at all, I'll try to at least clean up the beds. But right now, I'm going to need some serious warming trend.

Yesterday afternoon, Liam and I went for a ride up Crossman Ridge to visit my friend Craig. Liam had never been up there, and since he had a new bicycle, it seemed like a perfect fit. But the road was so muddy that we couldn't ride, and in fact, abandoned even pushing our bikes at a certain point due to the conditions. On the way back, we actually had to leave the bikes and sprint to the car because the tires were so clogged with mud that it was impossible to even push them. This morning, while everything was still frozen, we rescued the bikes in the truck. What an adventure! But it was still a great time. Craig let Liam drive the wood truck back up the hill with a full load of wood in the back - I had to sit on my hands the whole time to keep from grabbing the wheel - and what a glow of pride on that boy's face. My goodness. Glad we captured some of that beautiful, sunny day, because while the mud was a pain, it might have been the last day of temps warm enough to produce mud.

On Oct. 2, I threw a Giving of Thanks party for all the people who helped me in the past year. It's been a crazy year, and so many people have helped Liam, Théa and I during these months of chaos and overactivity. People stepped in and helped out and lifted me up and listened to my endless anxieties. I am so grateful. The party was wonderful - cooked up one of my bigbirds, salmon, halibut, crab... lots of food. And there were so many kids there - it was crazy! We used to have dogs, and every party was a mosh pit of canines. Now, it is kids. We have, without a doubt, done our part to repopulate the world. But being surrounded by these wonderful people I call my friends was humbling. I can tell you for sure that it was not lost on me that this is absolutely why I live here, and why I am so lucky that my children get to be raised among people who love them.

Liam's seventh birthday celebrations were equally wild - we celebrated his actual birthday by a dinner at Land's End with Frida's family. Liam got a bicycle ( a real one with gears and hand brakes,) a jackknife and a piano. Pretty good stuff, I'd say. On Saturday, he rallied a bowling party with his buddies. Fun stuff. Liam has a certain flare with the bowling ball - he slides up to the line on one knee, free arm out behind him... it is hilarious. Where did he get this stuff??? Not from my side of the family tree, that's for sure! Liam's a good kid. He's funny. He's sensitive. He's wonderfully precocious. He made spaghetti and meatballs all by himself the other night. Wow. Good stuff.