Sunday, December 7, 2008

Terrifying love

I'm watching this program about this kid who is sick, and I just should never watch programs like that. Matt wonders why I watch home improvement shows all the time. It's partly because I like to dream, but also because I don't get sideswiped by the image of a little kid rolling off to ER.

What is it about motherhood that turns you into such a pessimist? Or is it just me? It's terrifying. I don't remember if it was this way with Liam - I do recall worrying about things, and being stressed out at about 6 months. And even now, I have a constant loop of every disaster story I've ever heard or seen with kids. But with Thea, it just seems so much more because she isn't "perfectly healthy." And given my family's immune system issues (diabetes, ms....) it's easy to go down that road.

Thea's having a horrible something-or-other right now. Constant runny nose, coughing a lot, and more. It's so hard because I don't REALLY know what it is. If she didn't have allergies, I'd figure it was a common cold. But none of the rest of us have it, which is suspicious. If it is allergy, I don't have a clue what it is. I took a drink out of Liam's glass by mistake a week ago and had milk ... could that be making her this miserable? That's totally terrifying. And if it's not that, then what? Is it pork? Soy? some random veggie?

Today, we went to a baby shower and she was crawling around and I saw her put something in her mouth out of the corner of my eye. I rushed over, but I think it was one of her cookies. But it's that easy. One bite, it would seem, and at least a week of symptoms.

I'm bracing for a manic week, but feeling much better about it now that I have daycare lined up for two out of two out of three events as well as the board meeting that happens this week. Gah! Matt leaves Wednesday, not back until the 20th. I've been working on getting Thea to go to bed without the boob - I nurse her downstairs and then go up and read books with her and put her down. She's pretty pissed about it, but hopefully it will help when I'm not there to put her down. Either way, it's going to be a wild week, but at the end, things should mellow a bit.

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